Unhappy & Feeling Very Anti-Alcohol

My middle brother died last week. Sometime on Monday morning.

We don't know why yet as the Coroner is waiting on histology & toxicology reports.

Actually, we do know why - he drank.

I don't think that we are over the shock yet. He was only 45. Oh, we may have said to him that the alcohol would kill him, in an attempt to get him to stop or cut down on the amount he drank, but I don't think we actually ever thought that it would kill him quite so soon & quite so young.

Once I get used to the idea that he is gone, then I know that I will miss him. He was a generous spirit, anything he had, he shared. I can't write anymore about him at the moment, it hurts too much.

Oh Dear Nearly A Year

I'm really not very good at keeping this up to date, am I?

I originally created this with the intention of using it to help me get better. I am depressed. Have been for a while. It's proving very difficult to shift & to get my mood to improve. I am getting help now (professional help) & have just started to take St John's Wort (after the failure of the nor-adrenaline tab thingies - Reboxitine - to make much impact). Anyway, as something to help me work things out & feel better, this has been a bit of a failure. Reading back, most of the posts seem to be about the cats eating things.

That hasn't changed.

Oh dear over a year

I've just been reading Blogs again. Actually made a comment or two as well... without leaving my name because I couldn't remember how to login to Blogger. Inspiration struck during a game of Diamond Mind just now.

Over a year between posts! It's shocking.

Not that anyone is missing much. It's not as if I am a scintillating writer, I can't even be sure of spelling scintillating correctly. However, as I was using 'blog as therapy', it may explain why I'm currently back down in the dark place again.

So, trying hard not to be cowed by the brilliant, well-written & extremely witty postings of Franklin, I'm going to start blogging again.

Franklin is the Panopticon. http://the-panopticon.blogspot.com/

-----

When you read do you hear the words in your head? * I don't think you're meant to - it makes for slow reading, apparently, according to a book on speed reading I once read. However, I think I read pretty fast & anyway I like to hear the voice in my head. It's normally the voice of the person writing - or at least what I imagine the person to sound like.

Unfortunately, the voice doesn't always know how to pronounce things.

I've been telling my brother about Franklin. Looks like he will never read his blog because, rather stupidly, I've told him that Franklin's blog is called the 'Panty-icon' - it was only when I typed the name in just now that I realised. Oops. It's Pan-opt-icon.

A much better pronounciation than Panty-icon - which I must admit does sound a little perverse. I did think that a funny name for a device in which everything can be seen.

-----

Anyways, one year later, I'm back to reading & writing Blogs. (Sorry that sentence isn't quite as poetical as the one heading this entry)

I do recommend the Panoptican, I've almost caught up to date & then I'm going to explore some of his recommendations. Actually, I'm not looking forward to getting up to date. I feel like I know the guy & have been enjoying hearing about his life during the last few days. I think I'll miss him once I'm up to date & am waiting for posts. His posting about Anne Frank was magnificient & his new niece isn't half bad either!

Hero worship over. I suppose that I'd better head off to bed. After all, it is dawn now & vampires** must avoid the sun.

* actually when I read novels, I don't have a story-teller in my head. Instead I have a film. I'm so lucky.

** I'm not a vampire. Just accidentally got into a habit of reverse sleeping. Seem to be awake during darkness & can only sleep when it's light. I don't have an aversion to sunlight though & I really quite like garlic ....

Definately Losing It

Oh dear, I think I'm definately losing the plot - either that or losing the battle with the whole perspective thing.

The garden seems have a lot of flies. They congregate in bunches under the fir tree & whizz about doing whatever it is that flies do for fun. Opening the window invites them into the house, where they happily paddle away in whatever spills they might find until meeting an early end courtesy of the fly killer spray.

The window is open in here, where I sit at the pc & I suppose that there are about six, whisking about aimlessly before going to dance against the top of the glass in a futile attempt to get out where the window is closed. They were joined earlier by a bee. Quite a large bee, I saw her aimed straight at me but she successfully veered off before crashing into my face. The lazy drone as she continued to cruise was quite relaxing in an odd sort of way.

Then about ten minutes ago the buzz changed. Became more defiant, more frantic. I looked up towards the top of the window & there dangling on a spider's web was the bee. Spider in attendance. Why didn't he catch the flies? Why did it have to be the bee?

I didn't know whether or not to get a chair & try to rescue her. (The window is quite high). But if she was already coated with cobweb & already bitten by the spider was there any point. I might consign her to a lingering death, whilst the spider was likely cease the suffering quickly.

Why couldn't he have caught a fly?

So now, here I sit, mourning the death of a bee. Wondering if I could have saved her. Feeling guilty that I didn't even try.

Definately losing it ....

Starvation & the Serengeti

All the Serengeti kittens, bar Adora, have now left for their new homes. There's a lot of empty places & missing purrs around the house. Oh dear, it is really hard to see them leave but, fortunately, they've gone to live with some very lovely people ... Sydney & Edmund left together & are now known as Paddy & Max. Spott left by himself but has gone to live with some Bengals & apparently has made himself very much at home.

Adora is doing fine & I suppose that I should start to look for her new home where she can be given lots of love, fuss & attention & generally continue her rather spoiled life. It's just difficult when she is such fun to have around.

Of course, the Bengal kittens may not feel quite the same....

Poor Cesar! Maybe she was just a bit peckish?

Incidentally, he is okay. I think he thought it was a fun game, it's just, at that particular moment, Adora has the upper hand, so to speak.

Harry couldn't quite eat a whole kitten

Harry didn't hurt Rico, the snow Bengal kitten, at all. Honest!

Harry

It's now been two years since I last curled my hand over the wide dome of Harry's head & two years since I've laid in bed with his warm furry body draped over my lap. I still miss him immensely.

He's the one in the middle, complaining about having his photo taken - The Snowman, aka Harry the lilac tabby point Siamese with his two sisters, Seraphim the blue tabby point & Freckle, also a lilac tabby point.

He grew into a large cat, with a laid back personality. Cuddly & curious & all the good things that a cat is & can be. But two years ago he died, still a young boy, from a liver problem.

And as I look at his little half-brothers & sister as they play around me this evening, I only hope that they bring to their new owners half as much joy as Harry brought me. However, I also hope that they will bring that joy for much much longer than the short time I had with Harry.

Someday My Prints Will Come

An all-in-one printer really does make an excellent toy for kittens. It provides seating areas & perfect hiding spaces whilst playing 'King of the Castle'.

Oh - not to be outdone, Sydney wanted me to post this photo to show that he can look just as cute as Edmund & 'he' doesn't need any stupid dancing exercise jokes to prove it.


They've all been extremely sweet this evening. Spott has been sitting on my shoulder, watching me type, Edmund has been curled on my knee purring, whilst Adora & Sydney have been sleeping, cuddled into the small of my back. They've been exceptionally purry all evening, I think that they must have really approved of supper.

It would appear that Sardines in Sunflower oil get the Serengeti Kitten Seal of Approval.

SpecSavers of Camborne, Cornwall

I've just been doing a bit of blog hopping & have discovered that SpecSavers is actually a franchise and, judging from the experiences of some of you out there, the service that I received is the exception, rather than the rule.

So, I need to amend my grateful thanks & address it specifically to SpecSavers of Camborne, in Cornwall.

I really recommend the Camborne Branch ... you'll all have to travel down!

Thank You SpecSavers

I really cannot recommend SpecSavers the Opticians enough.

I broke my glasses on Monday, arranged for an new eyetest today in order to get new glasses as my existing pair were un-mendable & they no longer stocked the same frame.

However, after choosing my frames & sitting down to fill out the final forms my existing broken pair were taken away to see if the sellotape could be made a little more respectable. Instead of attempting to repair them, SpecSavers ground down my lenses & put them into a completely new frame.

No charge.

How absolutely wonderful of them. That's the second time that they've helped me out with broken glasses, the second time they have not charged anything for repairs.

I'm so chuffed - especially as I am so short of money at the moment.

Thank you SpecSavers. Thank you so much.

oh - incidentally, the reason why I was having double vision was because I'd selloptaped the lens back into the frame the wrong way around. Oops.

Larder Louts

There was a special offer on in Iceland & I stocked up with 18 packets of crisps. I put them in the long larder cupboard & eagerly anticipated crunching whilst watching tv.

I think that the cats might have decided that I am over-weight & do not need the additional calories that a packet of crisps would provide. Else why would they, carnivorous cats, ransack the larder & remove the crisps?

I have only one intact packet left. Only ONE!

Okay, the dog may have helped to eat them - but I'm sure that she wasn't able to slice the packets open that neatly.

I just hope that new chilli flavour (which I haven't tasted yet) burnt their mouths - the little monsters.

But I just have the feeling that, along with paying for everyone to have crisps, I'll be paying out for extra cat litter in the morning. Crisps are bound not to agree with them.